It has been a little over three months since Amalie was born. I have never been so challenged and stretched in my entire life ! I am so thankful for this though, I have grown up a lot and continue to grow into this new roll, a mother. Yesterday Chad and I went on our weekly Saturday walk as a family. (It seems like this is our only time together throughout the week.) It is truly cherished though ! I can't imagine any other thing that brings me more joy than being with my husband and my daughter. When we got married we felt like we were a "family" but I don't think anyone can describe fully how your heart changes when a child is added into the mix.
I have really been struggling with being away from Amalie so much when I have to go to work. I work 5 nights a week so I only get to put her to sleep 2 nights :( When I am home I have housework ( which sadly comes at least priority) and homework and making dinner and juggling all the other parts of life. I try to spend as much time as possible with Amalie, but I feel so sad sometimes at the end of the day I feel like I haven't been able to have that undivided attention and time with her. She is quite social and doesn't mind being watched and held by anyone, but deep down in my heart I get so sad sometimes that she doesn't get the majority of her day with me her mama !
I never pictured myself as a stay at home mom, and not to say that I want to do that, especially once my kiddos get into grade school, but I can tell you that I am going to work so hard in getting a work from home or great part time job once I graduate. I commend those who work full time and have their kids in daycare during the day but for me I just don't think I could do it ! I never understood people who wanted to stay home and not work, but now I understand. I think with so many things we have these ideas of how we want things or how we think we will do things, but I am learning every week that really until you go through it you have no idea what you want or what you will do. I try to be flexible and go with "what is best right now." approach. For all plans change, and If I never want to change my plans around I would end up just really discouraged.
So what will next term hold? Gosh I have no idea ! But I'm sure excited to find out.
Life is such a crazy wonderful journey !
And having a kid makes it SO much fun !
Thank you for my husband and my little Amalie for keeping me sane this term, it has been rough !
1 comment:
That was an absolutly beautiful post. I love how optomistic you are, and I totally admire that quality about you, you have always been like that but I am just now realizing how admirable of a trait it is and how much I envy it.
I love that you take life day by day. That is also something hard to do, and something that I am NOT very good at, at all.
Your words about leaving the baby to go to work break my heart also, I hope that you find comfort in supporting and providing for your beautiful family. This is a hard time and it will be over eventually. I hear ya about the days you are home trying to get everything done and at the end of the day feeling like you didnt give enough attention, it is always like that even when you are home 7 days a week. That feeling I dont think ever goes away.
and that picture of you adn the babe is BEAUTIFUL!!! And perfect for the post.
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